By Onyeka Azike, MS ’12

You just finished eating that bag of chips you smuggled into the library. Where is the trash can to dispose of the evidence? It is nowhere to be found or it requires you to stand up and walk a ridiculous five feet to the nearest trash can. Trash cans used to be ubiquitous at the IBIC. They could be found under every chair in the cubicles, at the front desk and in the middle of the hallways. Some could even be found in the stacks of books. However, slowly but surely, trash cans have begun disappearing, one after the other. As a concerned T-bird, I decided to investigate the issue.

After speaking withtrash several IBIC staff members, who all spoke on the condition of anonymity* because of the sensitive nature of this issue, it appears that there are several reasons why the service of trash cans in the library has been discontinued. Librarian Es Wedens** said, “Ultimately our goal is to remove every single trash can from the IBIC.” Elaborating further, he said, “The official position of the IBIC staff on this matter is that trash cans in the library lead to violence. I have seen many an irate girlfriend vigorously shove her boyfriend’s head – or should I say ex-boyfriend’s head – into a trash can. Many times for no reason other than he didn’t notice she had a new haircut! The Thunderbird library does not want to be seen as an institution that supports violence.” However, front desk staff, Curly Sue ***said the real reason was because, “T-birds, as smart as they are, bless their souls, could not understand the meaning of the words, ‘No food in the library.’ This means all types of food, period. Food-like substances should not be going into your mouth or worse, out of your mouth.” She added, matter-of-factly, “Too many drunken students were throwing up in the trash cans, so we had to remove them. The library is for studying, not drinking.”

TSG member Emir Amadi**** said the student government is currently looking into the issue of the disappearing trash cans and deliberating on what can be done to address the issue. “I can confidently tell you that this is at the top of the agenda for the TSG. I can also confidently tell you that one of the proposals the TSG is seriously considering is giving each incoming student a portable trash can that they can carry around with them, everywhere they go on campus.” When I asked if there was money in the TSG’s budget to fund this proposal, Emir replied, “Yes, there is. The trash cans will replace the backpacks given to students during Foundations because, let’s face it, no one really uses those backpacks.”

The TSG wants all concerned students to send e-mails to their respective tri-reps with the subject: “Bring Back our Cans.”

* These comments could not be verified at the time of publication.
** Not his real name
*** Not her real name
**** Not his real name

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