The Weekly Substandard: Last Standard Standing

lookbackJill: As this trimester comes to a close, I think it is only appropriate that we take a look back at some of our favorite columns of the year, and reminisce. First of all, I would like to thank Jack for being a gracious and charming partner in crime, and thank you for putting up with all of my soft attempts at humor. Secondly, I would like to thank our readers for not pointing out all of our blatant sexual innuendos as being immature; obviously you were intelligent enough to realize that it was necessary word choice for our obviously important weekly columns.

Looking back, I would have to say that our first column was the best to date. Something about envisioning the city of Dubai, full of men bicycling around to deliver condoms just makes me giggle. After checking up on this article, I have learned that Durex is holding a contest online in which voters get to choose which city this service will be available next. I also found an interesting company called CondAm, short for Condom Ambulance, founded by a college student in New Jersey (where else does more premarital sex take place in the United States??). During “peak” hours (between 7pm and 3am), a condom will be delivered within 5 minutes or less of one’s order. My advice to TBirds: Start an on-campus condom delivery service. Money. In. The. Bank. $$$.

What do you say Jack? What is one of your better memories of the spring? Please, enlighten me!

Jack: I would also like to thank Jill, the reader(s) and our leader, mentor, spirit guide, and most profoundly our editor, Michael Reardon, whom continually nagged us until an article came out.

The whole condom delivery service has lost its novelty and charm on me. Much like I imagine it would have had it been introduced in the US. I’m half-checked out Jill and can’t follow you down this rabbit hole.

As Jerry Springer used to do, I have one final thought. Spring is when that eternal warmth and blooming fragrances awakens that feisty youth in you. This radiance will sail us into summer with unbridled optimism. So as we all settle down in front of cold monitors facing months of facts, figures, and clock staring, remember the Spring. And that you’re getting paid.

Alls well, ends well. See you in the Fall.