By Mary Grace Richardson, Staff Writer
Thank goodness the election is over, right? Or maybe not. If your neck is sore from shaking your head or if spontaneous outbursts have kept you from wearing your mascara this week, here are recommended activities to help you ease into our post-election future.
Experiment with bell-ringing after burning to train yourself to not think about homeland security. Courtesy of Moving Toward Peace
Sage Cleanse Your Room
If it’s bumming you out that a majority of white women chose to safeguard their race before their gender, try a sage cleanse. When clearing out the energy of a particular space, use a simple smudging stick. To begin, open the door and windows in your room. Light the stick and watch the sage burn until it smokes. Starting at the beginning of the room, rotate the stick clockwise and continue throughout the room. You can say a small affirmation, such as “I am a woman, and I matter.” (It’s okay to tell a white lie sometimes.) Swivel the stick, and feel the room fill with peace and love. Let the smoke funnels guide you. As they move in one uniform direction, move to where it points. If the fumes disperse, stop yourself from thinking it’s a metaphor of our nation. When you’re finished, stay in the room for the next four years.
Open Your Heart and Mind
Start trusting other less-than-qualified people to perform intricate tasks. If you have a few hours, order an Uber and request a faraway destination so you have time to tell your life story to your driver. Ask for his or her counsel on the next big decision in your life. Pass out copies of your social security number and I-9 forms in the hopes that one generous stranger will do your taxes. Train your dog to save all of your files to an external hard drive. Give scissors to your young niece, and ask her to trim your eyebrows. Isn’t it liberating to live and let go?
A Hitler-youth classic ‘do. Courtesy of Men-Haircut
Go Shopping, Get a Haircut
Things will finally start going men’s way, so why not join them? It’s about time to prioritize their values, and so it’s also time to hit the mall for the latest androgynous trends. Acknowledge the monumental events of this past week by buying an heirloom watch. Before you wear it though, break the battery so you don’t realize how slow time actually passes by when a climate change denier is chosen as an EPA leader. Depending on your level of despair, buy a pair of New Balance shoes which the founder of the “Daily Stormer” has claimed as the new hip footwear. Finally, top it off by stopping by your local barbershop. We all know a haircut is a perfect way to start a new chapter in your life, so go short on the sides and long on top as a 1940s European throwback.
Just a few lifestyle changes here and there can help you get ready for a new era in American history. However, every person is different, so comment below on your own ways to celebrate or cope with the end of this very long election season.