Forecasting is Hard (But Let’s Do It Anyway)*

By Keith Blincoe, Staff Writer Warning: Satire below. At a recently convened panel event featuring industry experts, ASU/Thunderbird faculty members, and random people from the street, panelists were asked their opinions on future trends impacting global business. Every respondent was careful to note that projections into the future are notoriously inaccurate, and went on to […]

ASU to Acquire Volkswagen in $10b Deal*

by Keith Blincoe, Staff Writer Warning: Satire in, on, or around this article. According to an announcement sent to students from Arizona State University (ASU) President Michael Crow, ASU has agreed to acquire all of the outstanding shares of Volkswagen AG, the troubled car maker, for an estimated price of ten billion dollars. “The purchase of […]

A Thunderbird Secret Agent?*

by Keith Blincoe, Staff Writer Warning: If you are allergic to satire, proceed with caution. According to recently leaked intelligence reports, an unnamed member of Thunderbird’s finance faculty is actually a secret International Monetary Fund (IMF) agent working under the code name “Speculatre.” (The report did not say whether the agent is related to MALEFICENT, Thunderbird’s […]

The FORAD Awakens*

By Keith Blincoe, Staff Writer Warning: Satire from now until the end of the article. Seriously. Hostilities in the FORAD smoldering conflict have at last come to an end. The final result was a huge surprise for everyone, with the aptly named Team 6 coming in sixth, though they had been in first place until […]

ASU West Bee Alert*

By Keith Blincoe, Staff Writer ATTENTION: Satire article. Reader discretion is advised. Attention to all students, regardless of whether you have any intention of setting foot on Arizona State University (ASU) West’s campus in your lifetime: the cafeteria in ASU West is currently covered in bees. Every square inch of the floor, walls, ceiling, and […]

Meta-Consulting and the Division of Labor*

By Keith Blincoe, Staff Writer ATTENTION: Satire article. Reader discretion is advised. Consulting is on the rise—volatility in the world market and increased specialization raises the demand for consultants’ services. Thinking about entering a new market? Hire a consulting firm. Profits slipping despite revenue rising? Need to be reminded every 30 seconds that the world […]

Finance Faculty Form Rap Group*

By Keith Blincoe, Staff Writer ATTENTION: Satire article. Reader discretion is advised. In a bid to appeal to Thunderbird’s new, younger crop of students, Thunderbird finance faculty have formed a rap group. “I noticed that incoming students were intimidated by finance,” explained Lena Booth. “They think it’s dry and overly quantitative. That’s why I formed […]

Honor Council to Build Honor Hall*

By Keith Blincoe, Staff Writer WARNING: Satire article. Reader discretion is advised. Everyone knows the Thunderbird Honor Council doesn’t do anything, and now that ASU has assumed its academic-discipline function, THC does even less. Hence the rampant gossip about how THC will spend the lavish budget it has received from ASU. Adding fuel has been […]

TSG to Outsource Student Government to ASU*

By Keith Blincoe, Staff Writer ATTENTION: Satire article. Reader discretion is advised. According to fictional sources familiar with the matter, Thunderbird Student Government (TSG) has decided to outsource its student governing duties to Arizona State University (ASU). Citing the difficulty of dealing with an increasingly rowdy student body, the demands of their schoolwork, and the […]

Trump to Thunderbird: “Build a wall” around Mexican students*

By Keith Blincoe, Staff Writer –A satirical take on the world around us.– Real-estate tycoon and presidential hopeful Donald Trump paid a visit to Thunderbird’s campus. Below is a follow-up letter he sent after returning to New York. –ed. I just want to say thanks to all the wonderful students and faculty I met on […]