The Weekly Substandard: Keeping up with the Kim’s

north_korea_myanmar_two_nations_emerge_11931787_custom-8242bad3badbddd02f4c129cff433e1e341e16f8-s6-c10Jack: What can be written about this that hasn’t already been explored time and time again?  We may be woefully unqualified to speak about it but that certainly won’t stop us. North Korea continues to tirelessly threaten war and the US is running out of reactions.  First was anger, then frustration, followed by bemusement and ending in indifference.  Even Kim Jong-un feels the waning interest. He’s vowed to stop declaring war on weekends due to exhaustion.  When actual headlines and The Onion editorials begin to crossover, you know things have gotten out of hand.  Its only a matter of time before TLC picks up a reality show starring the Kim’s and we will all have to watch cross promotional videos of the Supreme Leader and Honey Boo Boo degrading humanity. I must admit that he has inspired some brilliant memes, which may be the silver lining in this mess.  It would be even funnier if it wasn’t all so damn sad.   What do we do with this, Jill?   What can we possibly say that hasn’t been said?

Jill: I would just like to say that IF a reality show is made about the Kim’s, it should definitely be on Bravo–the Kim’s would be right up there with Vanderpump Rules and The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. I think something is to be said about the fact that we have sent US fighter jets and have been rehearsing military drills with the South Korean military, but I am 100% confident that is just to beef up our ego and remind the North Koreans of their lack of military power. Speaking of the North Korean military, wouldn’t you love to be that guy whose job is to literally just stare at the guy across the border all day, every day? Have you ever wondered what the selection criterion is for that position? Jack, I think that you would be perfect for that position. A bit stoic, no emotions–it is you to a tee. Where do I sign you up?

Jack: I think I saw a Global Connect post for a DMZ guard.  Unfortunately, they were only looking for MBA’s.  I’ve heard tragedy plus time equals comedy and I assume that is the US strategy here.  Only when the NK leaders outlandishly posture does the US twitch.  Not that intervention is the appropriate policy, but to act indignant when menaced is the equivalent of ignoring a rotting leg and then being surprised when it threatens your life.  I think were on to something with this reality show though.  If the Real Housewives, Vanderpumps (?), and the Kardashians can endear themselves with America through unscripted dramedy then why can’t Kim Jong-un?  Of course, this will do absolutely nothing to redeem the humanitarian crisis that is North Korea but the Leader’s Q-Score would certainly improve.

Jill: I’ll get a Kickstarter campaign going to get this show happening.  In the meantime, stay safe everyone and remember to duck and cover.

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